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| So, it's true, I did tell Christina I would blog bout the recent occurrences which transpire over the night of her celebration of her escape from her mother's womb. But then I got lazy (what else is new) and forgot all about it until she reminded me about not even 2 days later. And technically speaking it was only the next day due to the fact most of my involvement in the situation was in the early hours of the morning the following day. But hearing the story's plot to a more completed picture, that of Christina's point of view only, though, has left me with some very interesting feeling about how I have carried out implied messages in my life in the past. It makes me wonder if gentle and subtle suggestions are really better than being completely point-blank blunt about what one's intentions are. To be perfectly truthful, I'll have to say I believe there are occasions where each is needed and each is proper depending on the style and type of relationship and topic at hand. But when it comes to matters of affection, there is the exciting bit.
As a general rule in my life I have made it a point over the past few years to lay very, very, VARY low (yes, vary, so I don't have to muck about in html codes to get the inflect in the voice I wish for you to perceive in this) when expressing a potential romantic interest in an individual. To the general public minor crushes might be revealed as an attempt to maintain a sense of similarity, after all the people of the world seek general companionship with those who have similar life dealings, and who doesn't acquire a lil crush which develops into nothing? But to those whom my heart pines after… there is another story.
My immediate attention to that individual has been turned to maintaining a casual friendship where they do not feel as if I am immediately attracted to them. This intent would seem proper so as to prevent any additional pressure from infringing upon the relationship and causing it anymore strain that it already has. And to the three of you in my life who have the knowledge of who this individual is, you perhaps have come to the understanding of the amount of patience and restraint I have put into continuing the current status of the relationship level; all to a current result which is considered much less than satisfactory to where I wish the relationship to be and thus the amount of turmoil it has brought to me.
So, in observing some methods used by an individual on Christina, some methods extremely similar to those I've used in the past and not terribly far off from some employed today, I realized I may have to reevaluate how I go about attempting to persuade someone's affections in my favor.
There has always been the method pursued by most of America where attraction and intent are set forth before the relationship can sustain any type of pressure, especially that of physical relations, and after a few weeks or a few months, the entire thing collapses into a heap of a mess and both parties are hurt and no friendship can be recovered from the rubble. Or, you can take the extreme alternative and hold off completely from any form of engagement in a relationship. This option can take you to many routes where you still end up with a partner but none out of any sense of heartfelt attachment. But how many of us are really going to accept an arrange marriage?
So how should one go about pursuing a relationship? Patiently. No matter what, patience is the key. And this is not just for romantic relationships, but for any developing friendship; nothing can be done on your end alone to govern how a relationship is formed because it takes two to create it and more importantly nourish it. One of the most amazing representations I have ever heard for the treatment and care of a relationship between two individuals is the spiritual child(Bridges Not Walls. Stewart, John). When you meet someone new and continue to maintain that acquaintance, a relationship I created, a spiritual child. As you continue to feed and care for the relationship it grows and develops, becoming more and more mature. For more developed friendships, you do not have to feed it daily, weekly, or even monthly for the friends who live their lives far apart and are only able to catch up on occasions yet are still the closest of friends- just as how as a child grows, it reached a point where the parents no longer have to attend to it continually. For future reference with this theory you must accept the nuclear family model, or at least a two-parent family model. The best relationships are created and maintained when the two people involved think of what's best for their spiritual child. Obviously it's important that in order for you to be able to enjoy the relationship your wants and needs are met, but it's equally important that the wants and needs of the other are met as well. Achieving this is where some of the most difficult skills are needed in day-to-day life. Listening. You may be the type of person who says to someone's face what you want or what you need to make you happy, good for you for making it clear to them what you desire so long as you know the other person won't feel as if their wants and needs are being made less important by making yours so profound. And if the other involved in this relationship is this clear then you have it easy. But if they're not then you have your work cut out for you. Listening to them in conversation to discern what they want and need, and then paraphrasing it back to them so you can be sure what you though you understood is correct rather than just making false and incorrect assumptions. All of this is hard, I'll admit, and very few of my friendships have ever reached this stage, where we each realize what the other's wants and needs are, but what is more difficult yet, is when each individual sets aside their individual wants and needs for a time and focuses on what the relationship’s (the spiritual child's) wants and needs are. Sounds damn near impossible, eh? Let alone try to understand someone else's wants when they don't even say them, now try and discover those of an inanimate apparition conceived from two extremely different individuals, unable to speak through either, but there nonetheless. This is the most beautiful part of all: when you and your partner talk about what's best for the relationship, what would nourish it the most, what would make it grow and you both come to a mutual understanding of this and allow it to occur.
I commend my friends who have discovered the method of talking about the relationships in their lives and bringing issues to light before they destroy the relationship. Yet the true wonder is when I know HOW to carry out all of these directions I've set forth in this blog, and in my own personal notes and muses, yet do not take the necessary steps incurring out what I need to do to make it better for me. And I do have a reason. In divulging my emotions and attraction to the other, I put the 'ball in their court' and leave it up to them. This may be looked at several ways, it means I put my heart on the line or it can mean I'm prompting them to make the first move in the actual advancement of the intimacy of the relationship. The reason for not choosing this action over all these years is clear to me, yet the blind may think he can see the hand in front of his face in a house of mirrors immediately before he is tramples by a herd of elephants. Let me say this fist, it is not from a fear of rejection I withhold my words, and although I would love to allow them to have the next move, I desperately do not wish to put anymore strain of unneeded emotional stress on this person, who I know does not need it. Taking their wants and needs into consideration completely over my own is something I've become quite accustomed to doing over the years
As many of you may have surmised form probably glancing at this entry rather that actually reading over it, it could go on forever on this yet I will abstain. I have already sat through the entirety of one class compiling this and do not wish to miss another. To sum it all up, I am personally rethinking how I am approaching one relationship in particular. I will review all of my actions over the past year and decided if I dare chance my course of action with this friend I hold terribly dear to me. It's been far to long to risk not even trying what I know to be the correct response. I pray to the One who deserves it and put my faith in His outcome in my life.
Nourish your spiritual children!
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| Sometimes I wonder why I'm putting all of this effort into living, making sure everything I do accounts to something worthwhile and amazing. So many thing need do happen in order for me to feel that I have a grip on things and for me to begin to feel okay with circumstances. Not to say I'm not okay with them as they are, but I wish I could have a little more understanding into the plan for my life. It seems that most of the joy I find in life is from the exhilaration I achieve out of discovering new things, not only form wandering around places but from exploring application online and all of those little facts you encounter by talking to random people on a day-to-day basis. All I really want to do is travel, experience new and different places, influence people I may never meet again, and more importantly, BE influenced by people I may never meet again. The life of a drifter. The ideals of someone who recognizes everyone for who they are and they give to society. What I would give to be born thirty years ago and to be giving the ability to travel the country in my VW bus. Acquiring friends who would join me in my ventures and when the time came for us to go our separate ways, we would- without any feelings of remorse or sadness for our parting. To know the simplenes of living day to day, hand to mouth without corporate demands on out quotas for the day. But this is not the life I've been dealt. So what am I to do? Live life loving it just the same as if I were traveling with my own wanderlust. To be the one who provides a sense of adventure and hope to every situation I'm put in. to love all.
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| What does it take to become who you are? Balancing the wants you wish you could have Managing the needs to live until tomorrow This world is a very odd thing to look at from the perspective of someone who's never known anything about it. People watching. The overlooked pastime of predominate prejudgment. Labeling people based on such simple analysis as their clothes upon their backs and their fluctuations in their voices. Stereotypes rise in the back of the mind. Characteristics observed and enforced hundreds of thousands of times before via encounters previously survived. The hunt for the perfect match of a personality to shove through that peg-hole made by their visual and aural appearance. Does it fit? Is it snug? Left a little wiggle room , eh? That's fine, I suspected that. Moving on to the hope that nothing you have now slapped as a preconceived Kick Me sign on their back will stick. For some unforeseen reason, they notice the idleness surrounding you, mistaken that what you really are surrounded with is a shield of solitude. They break through, or the gate is lowered when you see them coming and lo and behold… they themselves are the embodiment of the stereotype you wanted from the depths of your heart were not true. But true to form, they are a follower and have conformed to what has been dictated to their malleable minds through the media, preying upon their weak intellects. Their request, petty and insignificant to the outcome of their day, probably will be forgotten by them if you satisfy it, but no doubt will be the topic of complaint for the next several months if ignored. You could simply forget about this whole ordeal, yet you wonder what brought that individual to where they are today. How many trials have they overcome, well, succumb to rather. Knowing the tendencies these days to take the path of least resistance… easy street… | | |
| Question: How is one expected to blog and write one’s memoirs as regularly as one would like to when one’s computer is out of commission? Answer: It’s an absurd request to make. Piss off, eh? But! Against all odds David Schultz continues to write and create works of phrase and verse. Unfortunately, as the bulk of there are taken down on forms of parchment, their digital availability is limited to… none. Readings are available upon request but it’s likely I won’t have any with me if you wander into me on the street, unless it looks as if I have a binder with me. Then I might. So in the true spirit of America, I had an original thought today. All of this smoke has been killing my lungs because my asthma is just the cutest little buggar and it loves to kick my ass to the curb. And as I write this I recall the mental image of someone’s face being on the curb of a sidewalk, mouth open on the corner, as if taking a bite out of it. And then the horrifically wonderful image of someone kicking his head down onto it and… yeah… my mouth hurts just thinking about it. Did I read that in some book or see it on the screen? My teeth tingle in fear. This is how the smoke is treating my lungs though. And with the use of my vehicle suspended due to the foolish lending of it out without requiring a replacement, each morning is greeted with the lovely hacking and gasping as my body, in a vain attempt to rid itself of filth, also puts forth the effort to rid itself of a lung. Chest tight all day in pain, I try to put myself in the place of those who walk around me. I call them Americans. I find it keeps them happy when they think I’m being patriotic, but in all reality the plague of stupidity has left our over-indulged borders and has spread its wings over a vast portion of the globe. I realize there are very few out there who can think with an ounce of wit to what is conjured up, and I’m still trying to accept this for when I try to bring its presence up to the masses, their own downfall is their protection from the truth. Just as alcoholics are the ones who recognize not the fact that they drink a lot, but the fact that a lot of people look happier than they are. This is their own greatest downfall. For fun I’ll allow myself to enter into their set of thoughts for moments at a time. Only to return quickly and thank all that is above for the blessing of common sense bestowed upon me. Recently I let myself think in this lower manner of what I would do about this smoke problem. I dawned the cap of selfish American ingenuity and came up with my solution for personal gain to this problem. To reap the benefits of this disaster and come out on top of the pack, I should sue the firemen for not putting out the fires quicker and thus leaving me gasping for breath in the middle of the night clambering for my Albuterol. Personal and emotional pain and suffering would allow me to come up with a nice profit, all I’d need is some fancy linguist of a lawyer (how hard is that to come by) and I’d be set. If only I had the lack of scruples. I wonder who’ll take this idea of mine and run with it. Caution, that beverage is hot! If anyone ever gets away with it I will hunt them down and spit the dead portion of the lung I hacked up in their face. Anyway… That the rant for the night/week/whatever. Peace and Love Your Local, Friendly -David Schultz | | |
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I was up… talking to Stacey tonight and I realized I really
need to leave everything. This has been a long time coming. Nothing to do with
Stacey solely, I really don’t like the culture I’m living in and I guess the
only way to find one I like is to leave this one. I bet you all think I’ll make
a beeline for Canada…
but truth be told they are heavily influenced by all of the wretched crap that occurs
here. Every country is though…
I can’t stake my claim here though. I can’t say ‘this is my
town’ or ‘this is my country’ when so much of what it believes, I detest,
rather, the reasons why they say they believe it. The morals they claim to even
be moral, make me weep when I think over them too long.
I can’t stay in Sacramento.
I doubt I can stay in California or the Western United States. Six months I will bind myself to
this land, six months it will own me and control and use me. If it cannot give
me a reason to stay- nothing will hold me here. I vow to myself to set off on
my feet, even if they are still bare, if no one will support me.
Like I told Stacey, if I die out there, at least I’ll die
trying…
Six months…
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